Funny Work Sign in the Office
Without lively chats and witty humor, the workplace might become the last place on earth where anybody would want to be. So how about making the environment a tad bit more lively? Amazingly enough, we may have just the thing for you—a hilarious list of funny work quotes that would be perfect for your workplace.
Do you know that every chuckle or shared joke brings with it a slew of business benefits, according to research from prestigious schools like Wharton, MIT, and London Business School?
Maybe you're stressed out because of a looming deadline, or you're tired of watching the same office scenes day after day. Or perhaps you're simply grumpy since you had to switch out of your PJs and slip into proper pants today.
Or maybe it's just MONDAY! And we all know how Mondays are…
But you know what? Work stress may be high for you and your employees right now, but you do have some control over it.
When you feel your load becoming heavier, it's time to look for something exciting and hilarious to help you relieve stress with a hearty laugh.
No matter how complex your job has been, this list of funny work quotes is the easiest way to lift your spirits and cheer you up.
So, here's our compilation of funny work quotes that are perfect for every workplace:
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1. Bill Gates
I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.
~ Bill Gates
2. Groucho Marx
No man goes before his time—unless the boss leaves early.
~ Groucho Marx
3. Leslie Nielsen
Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you're finished.
~ Leslie Nielsen
4. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
It takes less time to do a thing right, than it does to explain why you did it wrong.
~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
5. John Gotti
If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.
~ John Gotti
6. Peter Drucker
Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.
~ Peter Drucker
7. Dwight D. Eisenhower
It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you.
~ Dwight D. Eisenhower
8. Elbert Hubbard
People who never do any more than they get paid for, never get paid for any more than they do.
~ Elbert Hubbard
9. Clarence Darrow
I am a friend of the working man, and I would rather be his friend, than be one.
~ Clarence Darrow
10. Oscar Wilde
The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.
~ Oscar Wilde
11. George Carlin
Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
~ George Carlin
12. William Faulkner
It's a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work. He can't eat for eight hours; he can't drink for eight hours; he can't make love for eight hours. The only thing a man can do for eight hours is work.
~ William Faulkner
13. Edgar Bergen
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
~ Edgar Bergen
14. Zig Ziglar
People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well neither does bathing. That's why we recommend it daily.
~ Zig Ziglar
15. Tom Goins
As I have gotten older and wiser, I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job. Payday, lunchtime, quitting time, vacation time, holidays, and of course retirement.
~ Tom Goins
16. Jerome K. Jerome
I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
~ Jerome K. Jerome
17. Sarah Brown
The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.
~ Sarah Brown
18. Claude McDonald
If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.
~ Claude McDonald
19. Dennis Miller
The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.
~ Dennis Miller
20. Anonymous
My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I'm still at work.
~ Anonymous
21. Robert Orben
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
~ Robert Orben
22. Mary Kay Ash
Delegate your work. Stop spending dollar time on penny jobs.
~ Mary Kay Ash
23. Anonymous
I always give 100% at Work: 10% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 22% Thursday, and 5% Friday.
~ Anonymous
24. Anonymous
Getting paid to sleep… that's my dream job.
~ Anonymous
25. Stanley J. Randall
The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.
~ Stanley J. Randall
26. Albert Einstein
If A equals success, then the formula is A = X + Y + Z. Where X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut.
~ Albert Einstein
27. Homer Simpson
Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.
~ Homer Simpson
28. Kin Hubbard
There's no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn't tell you about it?
~ Kin Hubbard
29. David Letterman
There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.
~ David Letterman
30. Robert Frost
The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.
~ Robert Frost
31. Al Capp
Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work.
~ Al Capp
32. H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Find a job you like and you add five days to every week.
~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
33. Anonymous
Beat the 5 o'clock rush, leave work at noon.
~ Anonymous
34. Anonymous
Sometimes I spend the whole meeting wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.
~ Anonymous
35. Joey Adams
People are still willing to do an honest day's work. The problem is they want a week's pay for it.
~ Joey Adams
36. Charlie McCarthy
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
~ Charlie McCarthy
37. Niels Bohr
An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.
~ Niels Bohr
38. Francesca Elisia
The reward for good work is more work.
~ Francesca Elisia
39. Muhammad Ali
It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.
~ Muhammad Ali
40. Earl Nightingale
Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.
~ Earl Nightingale
41. Anonymous
Pride, commitment and teamwork are words they use to get you to work for free.
~ Anonymous
42. Anonymous
My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.
~ Anonymous
43. Fats Domino
A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B.
~ Fats Domino
44. Drew Carey
Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.
~ Drew Carey
45. Don Marquis
When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'Whose?'
~ Don Marquis
46. J. Paul Getty
Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you're just sitting still?
~ J. Paul Getty
47. Henny Youngman
I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.
~ Henny Youngman
48. Mark Twain
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.
~ Mark Twain
49. Steven Alexander Wright
When I was 16 I worked in a pet store, and they fired me because . . . they had three snakes, and one day I braided them.
~ Steven Alexander Wright
50. Will Rogers
Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.
~ Will Rogers
51. Anonymous
People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day!
~ Anonymous
52. Erma Bombeck
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
~ Erma Bombeck
53. William C. Feather
A baseball game is twice as much fun if you're seeing it on the company's time.
~ William C. Feather
54. Bove's Theorem
The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches.
~ Bove's Theorem
55. Ronald Reagan
The taxpayer—that's someone who works for the federal government but doesn't have to take the civil service examination.
~ Ronald Reagan
56. John Ciardi
Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor.
~ John Ciardi
57. Alan Alda
It's a funny feeling to work with people who you consider your colleagues and to realize that they actually are young enough to be your children.
~ Alan Alda
58. Junior Seau
I'm not retiring, I am graduating . . . retirement means that you'll just go ahead and live on your laurels and surf all day in Oceanside. It ain't going to happen.
~ Junior Seau
59. Chris Rock
I used to work at McDonald's making minimum wage. You know what that means? You know what your boss was trying to say? It's like, 'Hey if I could pay you less, I would, but it's against the law.'
~ Chris Rock
60. George Bernard Shaw
The British soldier can stand up to anything except the British War Office.
~ George Bernard Shaw
61. David Ogilvy
Where people aren't having fun, they seldom produce good work.
~ David Ogilvy
62. Anonymous
Coworkers are like Christmas lights. They hang together, half of them don't work and the other half aren't so bright.
~ Anonymous
63. Anonymous
I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.
~ Anonymous
64. Betty Reese
If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.
~ Betty Reese
65. Orson Scott Card
Unemployment is capitalism's way of getting you to plant a garden.
~ Orson Scott Card
66. Thomas Edison
Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.
~ Thomas Edison
67. Lily Tomlin
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
~ Lily Tomlin
68. Archie Bunker
In fifty years, he never worked a day. To him, nine to five was odds on a horse.
~ Archie Bunker
69. Dave Barry
If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be 'meetings'.
~ Dave Barry
70. Josh Billings
Be like a postage stamp. Stick to a thing till you get there.
~ Josh Billings
71. Andy Stanley
Leaders who don't listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.
~ Andy Stanley
72. Anonymous
I believe in hard work. But, it will take some time to make this 'believe' into a real thing!
~ Anonymous
73. Sir Claus Moser
Education cost money. But then again so does ignorance.
~ Sir Claus Moser
74. Larry Winget
Nobody ever wrote down a plan to be broke, fat lazy, or stupid. Those things are what happen when you didn't have a plan.
~ Larry Winget
75. Denise Miller
The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.
~ Denise Miller
76. Woody Allen
If a man smiles all the time, he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
~ Woody Allen
77. Bill Watterson
God put me on this Earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind I will never die.
~ Bill Watterson
78. Bertrand Russell
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
~ Bertrand Russell
79. Tim Notke
Hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard.
~ Tim Notke
80. Vince Lombardi
The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.
~ Vince Lombardi
81. Pablo Picasso
Work is a necessity for man. Man invented the alarm clock.
~ Pablo Picasso
82. William Castle
An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault.
~ William Castle
83. Phyllis Diller
What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
~ Phyllis Diller
84. Michel Tournier
Work is against human nature. The proof is that it makes us tired.
~ Michel Tournier
85. Scott Adams
Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you're a consultant.
~ Scott Adams
86. Phil Pastoret
Hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil—and you'll never get a job working for a tabloid.
~ Phil Pastoret
87. Rita Rudner
I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I'm lying.
~ Rita Rudner
88. Proverb 10:26
Like vinegar to the teeth, and smoke to the eyes, so are the lazy to their employers.
~ Proverb 10:26
89. Henry Kissenger
A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.
~ Henry Kissenger
90. Charles Lamb
I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.
~ Charles Lamb
91. Jim Murray
Show me a man who is a good loser and I'll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss.
~ Jim Murray
92. Ted Turner
My son is now an 'entrepreneur.' That's what you're called when you don't have a job.
~ Ted Turner
93. Ed Bernard
Why do people say they wish everyday was Friday? If it was always Friday, we'd be here every freakin' day.
~ Ed Bernard
94. Joe Girard
Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.
~ Don Herold
95. Steven Wright
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
~ Steven Wright
96. Joe Girard
The elevator to success is out of order. You'll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.
~ Joe Girard
97. Sam Ewing
Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all.
~ Sam Ewing
98. Arthur Baer
His insomnia was so bad, he couldn't sleep during office hours.
~ Arthur Baer
99. Ogden Nash
People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.
~ Ogden Nash
100. Douglas Adams
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
~ Douglas Adams
101. Samuel Goldwyn
I don't want any yes-men around me. I want everyone to tell me the truth–even if it costs him his job.
~ Samuel Goldwyn
102. Anonymous
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.
~ Anonymous
103. Dwight Morrow
The world is divided into people who do things–and people who get the credit.
~ Dwight Morrow
104. Theodore Roosevelt
Whenever you are asked if you can do a job, tell 'em, "Certainly, I can!" Then get busy and find out how to do it.
~ Theodore Roosevelt
105. Anonymous
Everybody makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when no one is looking.
~ Anonymous
106. Anonymous
The fellow who never makes a mistake takes his orders from one who does.
~ Anonymous
107. Huey Long
Hard work is damn near as overrated as monogamy.
~ Huey Long
108. Cannon's Law
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
~ Cannon's Law
109. Byron Pulsifer
Anybody, somebody or nobody is ever going to make your life any more than you are willing to do for yourself. So, stop looking around for anybody to do something for you; instead, get your own body going and get it done now.
~ Byron Pulsifer
110. Ray Kroc
Luck is a dividend of sweat. The more you sweat, the luckier you get.
~ Ray Kroc
Wrapping it up
Workplace fun has a way of bringing people together, reducing tension, and fostering a pleasant work environment. That lighthearted flow of jokes, memes, and funny quotes has a motivating influence on your workforce.
People will look forward to work when they are happy and engaged. A fun workplace can be the missing link in getting your employees to be more productive and perform better.
So, here is our list of funny work quotes that are so hilarious that it deserves a place on your cubicle. Whether you're a manager who wants your team to be more engaged or you're an employee feeling stressed out, share your favorite quote with the team or maybe stick a note on your desk.
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Source: https://blog.vantagecircle.com/funny-work-quotes/
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